Men Today Men Today Men Today

How men can approach dating after divorce

Divorce occurs in around one in two marriages, continually putting new people back into the dating pool. Dating the second time around may be a little different than the first.

Census figures in both the United States and Canada indicate that around 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. According to The Department of Justice, Child Support Initiative Evaluation Report in Canada, the risk for divorce becomes greater with each successive marriage. New research and census data reveal an unprecedented trend of Americans splitting apart as they enter middle age. Baby boomers are the demographic most likely to file for divorce. Also, 75 percent of divorces are initiated by women, leaving men to start over.

Dating after divorce can be daunting. After all, a person has spent several years with a spouse and has grown accustomed to the familiarity marriage brings. After a divorce, that feeling of comfort and security ends. Dating means putting oneself out in the mix and attempting to meet new people again. Being older and more experienced doesn't necessarily make it easier than it was when you were younger. In fact, some find it more difficult because old age can bring on feelings of insecurity that were not present earlier in life.

Support groups, like The Survivors Club, advise against jumping right into dating after a divorce. It's also highly unadvisable to start dating a new person before a divorce is finalized. In some cases, a divorce is the result of a husband or wife meeting someone new. Although you may have a great connection with another person, from a legal standpoint it's best to put off dating until the divorce has been finalized. Otherwise it can blemish your reputation in court.

Every person is different and takes his or her own time to recover from a divorce. But a good rule is to wait six to 12 months before getting back into the dating world. This time span also gives you the opportunity to tie up loose ends, such as stopping daily conversations with an ex or finally moving all of your clothes into your new home.

At this point, you've also had opportunities to be single once again and redefine your identity. Baggage left over from a divorce likely won't be too heavy if you give yourself time before re-entering the dating scene.

When you are ready to meet new people, the easy way seems to be heading to a bar or a club. However, those relationships could be short-lived and insubstantial. Instead, find an activity that you enjoy doing (dancing, hiking, golfing) and meet the people who also enjoy these activities. Similar interests might make a solid foundation on which to build a new relationship. It also enables you to meet potential dates in a fun atmosphere where you're not necessarily under pressure to impress.

Try to meet people at mundane places as well, whether at the coffee shop or while grocery shopping. Don't put too much pressure on the first date. This is your chance to try out your new persona and dip your toes back into the world of dating and not necessarily your chance to find another life mate. Don't specifically set out to find someone just like your ex or her polar opposite. Simply go with the flow with someone who gives you a good feeling.

When you do land your first date, there are some things you will probably want to avoid if you want to make the date a success. Avoid discussing your ex and the dirty details of the divorce. In addition, don't pry into your date's past relationship status. Talk about things you enjoy doing and try to keep all topics positive. Now is not the time to whine over a bad job or money problems. Avoid talks about religion and politics. They will come up naturally over time should you continue to see this person.

Keep in mind that the most important aspect of a love life after divorce is that you are happy this time around. Put yourself first and always make attempts to secure personal happiness.